Annecy is a lovely place. I've been going there in the summer for several years since I more or less gave up productive work. Trawl around the historic town, have a leisurely sail on the lake, go for a swim at the plage or use the pedalos, enjoy a glass or three of chilled rose wine and enjoy the ambience of one of France's nicest towns and scenic settings - that's my routine anyway. There are far worse ways to spend a few days: ask anyone who's ever done time in the less scenic parts of Sheffield or Glasgow. Anyone for Red Road ?
Anyway, having enjoyed a day in Annecy, the coach we were travelling on developed a hydraulic leak. The drivers phoned their garage back home and were told that the local branch of a certain well-known European manufacturer of buses and lorries would come out and repair the bus. That's the service they pay for - Europe-wide coverage with efficient, quick and easy repairs. It's only £500 per call-out and satisfaction guaranteed. That's what we were told anyway.
So we stopped in a small service station outside Annecy - approx 17:20 hrs - so that the drivers could buy hydraulic oil to top up the system, working on the principle that they could get us back to our hotel and the service agent would repair the bus there. Anyway, the service agent, in a pristine van and looking like the real McCoy (albeit with the tightest lips and the worst hair-line moustache you've ever seen), pulled into the service station having seen our bus and wanted - nay demanded - to examine it there and then. Seemed sensible. After all he was still close to his base in Annecy in case he needed parts etc. So, passengers disembark and exeunt stage-right to a grassy knoll to while away some time. Quite a lot as it turned out.
After a few minutes he decided that there was a pump / filter which was in danger of breaking free from its hydraulic lines and the bus would need to be towed back to Annecy. Drivers immediately light up and go 'tilt' like an old-fashioned pinball machine. I ended up doing some of the translation for our drivers so that's how I know the story. Mechanic gets on his phone to his base, then explains that the system is linked to another and that, as well as the risk of one or other of the lines going into the the pump breaking, that various others parts would not be working. Overheating would occur - c'est tres dangereuse !!! Much gallic sucking in of breath through teeth and shaking of head.
After frantic phone calls back to Blighty. the drivers suggest that they drive to the hotel and he can either fix the bus there or they'll bring it back to Annecy for him to fix there. Cue mechanic's turn to have hysterics. One of the drivers then had an idea. He put on old coveralls, went under the bus and started taking pictures - aren't digital cameras and mobile phones so useful ? Mechanic goes pretty - actually extremely - quiet and gets back on his mobile. He disappeared into his van for about 10 minutes then emerged before wandering around with his mobile attached to his ear so tightly it looked as though extreme surgery - probably with a chainsaw - would be required to remove it. Meanwhile time is passing, and passing, and passing...................
Having been there for over two hours, he decides that he's got to back to Annecy. Guess what for ? That's right. Just what anyone would expect. He's going back to get hydraulic oil and a spanner larger than anything he's got in his van !!! Now possibly I'm being a bit thick here. I assumed that firstly he would have known not only the model of the bus he was coming out to, but everything about it. That's what pan-European computer databases are for, no ? Apart from that, he was told 'hydraulic leak' and comes out without hydraulic fluid or a full range of spanners ? Hello ! Has he never heard of pipes vibrating loose? It happens and it's not uncommon. Surely that was the first base to cover ?
Actually I had forgotten. When I worked in Britain in a system with a commercial janitorial service, the technical support was supplied by a number of firms. The janitor would phone in as directed and report a fault in incredible detail. Some hours later, XXXXX XXXX would turn up - sans any parts, equipment and tools - claiming he had had a vague call-out, instructing him to come out to assess the situation and, oh, and by the way, please sign this slip authorising 4 (or more often, a helluva lot more) hours of work. Needless to say, he was often told to ******-off !!! He was obviously this Frenchman's close cousin. It was really quite funny when he did this once too often. He tried to make out that he had no information but one of the janitors had recorded the entire call on his mobile phone as a video. You should have seen his face when it was played back. He made a SHARP exit (remember that advert ?) when the janitors offered to stick the mobile with the video message somewhere where the sun could never ever shine !
Anyway, back to the story - it's worth noting that, by now, it's nearly 20:00 hrs. On being asked, he says he'll be back in around 35 - 45 minutes. He returned - over 90 minutes later. No doubt les escargots and cuisses des grenouilles were getting cold 'chez mechanique' ! Out he jumps with large spanner, gets on his back under the bus - having first warned that if he can't fix it there and then, the coach will have to wait till the next afternoon for the parts. Six minutes later, after profuse gallic profanity, a tiny movement of the wrench/spanner and and some effort, the bus is fixed. Litre upon litre of hydraulic fluid (nearly 10 litres) - which he actually has this time - is poured into its tank. The bus is fired up and checked. Pas de problem ! Quelle surprise !
22:30 hrs and we resume our journey. Our least favourite Frenchman had refused to let the bus move until the company back home had paid in full. So that accounted for another 30 minutes or so. You would not believe that bus companies actually pay an annual fee over and above the call-out fees for this service would you ?
The significance of 20:00hrs ? Perhaps I'm just a little cynical. Seems to me he wasn't able to 'bump' the bus company into an inflated bill involving tow-out charges so he killed time until he was being paid on bonus-rates. I can't help feeling that, had that been Germany, Switzerland or Austria - the bus would have been fixed and on its way in 30 minutes at the absolute maximum.
Not a good advertisement for a certain manufacturer's call-out service or the charmless French mechanic involved. Any good points - well, a little restuarant beside the service station pulled out all of the stops and provided excellent friendly service at short notice. For what it's worth, a lot of Brit kids - also passengers on the bus, behaved impeccably even when stranded with no entertainments or facilities for five hours, despite looking as if they'd robbed an Oxfam shop for its clothing. Most of them were also sporting bites - courtesy of the local insects enjoying late evening refreshments. Shucks - it would just about bring tears to a glass eye !
As for the manufacturer's name ? Well you only need 2 consonants and 1 vowel. It's not D, A and F though. I never said once only for each did I ?
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